Wedding Advise The few months before the Big Day could be very confusing. There are so many questions that you would like to ask, but you don’t know who to ask them to. It will be difficult to answer everyone’s questions, but we will attempt to make this section as informative as possible to assist the enthusiastic wedding planner. We will have regular additions and if you have a specific question that you would like answered, please contact us at info@weddingorganiser.co.za and we will get back to you as soon as possible.

COMPILING A GUEST LIST | UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER

Compiling a guest list will probably be one of your first tasks. Before you start, you must first consider a few things such as how many people can you fit into the reception venue, and how big is your budget.

You can normally quite safely invite twenty percent more guests than could fit into the venue, as all of them will not attend. Now the dispute arises – who should you invite, and who not? A good idea is to make a list of all the people that you would like to invite. If you add them all up and you could fit more people into the venue, divide the remaining number by two and give each set of parents the opportunity to invite some guests.

Food for thought

• As a matter of tradition and etiquette, certain people should be invited – the spouses of the people in your retinue and your immediate families.
• If your parents have remarried, both parents and their spouses should be invited. To make things easier, it could be a good idea to seat them at different tables.
• Remember that your future husband or wife may not enjoy it if you invite one of your old flames.
• Remember to include your retinue and their spouse as well as the musicians in the final number of guests.
• Decide if you are going to allow children at the wedding. If not, you should state so on the invitation.

A FEW POINTS TO CONSIDER WHEN BUYING A WEDDING GOWN

On the day you will sit, stand and dance so make sure that you will have enough freedom of movement in the dress - also be aware that the dress could crease slightly. Do not do everything on your own. Let the professionals use their knowledge to get you a dress that will be flattering to you body.

When you shop for a wedding dress wear shoes, underwear and make-up similar to what you plan to wear on the day. Keep in mind – choosing the correct underwear will make you feel comfortable and will do a lot for your self-confidence. When you fit the dress look at the chest area (make sure it fits comfortably), the way that the material falls and any unattractive bulging. Look at the stitching, embroidery and beading and make sure that everything is securely attached.

Don’t be dominated by the tradition of a veil – some dresses look better with a hat. If you decide on a veil, ensure that it can easily be raised in front during the ceremony. Also make sure that the veil is firmly attached. If you want to wear gloves, decide before the time if you want to put the ring over the gloves, or if you want to take off the gloves to put on the rings.

MONEY MATTERS

Finances are always very important to keep in mind when you plan your wedding. It should, however, not be a reason why you should not enjoy your dream day. A small wedding with a few close friends and family members could be just as enjoyable as a big, high budget wedding. It is important that you work out what you can afford.

Something that one must always remember, is: “do not overspend on the wedding”. This could only put extra pressure on the very vulnerable first period of your married life. It is therefore essential that you set up a budget before you start making arrangements.

Obligations of the bride and groom – who pays for what.

It is tradition that the groom or his family should pay certain things, and the bride or her family pay certain things. These are, however, only guidelines. The decision still remains with each bridal pair to decide how they are going to handle the finances. With the high living costs nowadays it could be a good idea if the total costs of the wedding were shared between both families.

The groom/groom’s family pays for:

• All corsages and bouquets for the retinue, including that of the bride (remember the father of the bride).
• Clothing for the groom and best man.
• Any costs involved with the ceremony venue.
• Hiring of transport to and from the ceremony.
• Small gifts for the best man, as well as for the bridesmaid(s)
• The wedding and engagement rings for the bride.
• The honeymoon.
• Wedding gifts for the bride.
• Drinks for the reception.

The bride/bride’s family pays for:

• The engagement party
• All invitations and other stationary.
• The photographs as well as the video
• Reception costs, which include the hiring of the venue, catering, cutlery, glasses, crockery and the wedding cake.
• Flowers for the church and the reception.
• The clothes and accessories for the bridesmaid(s) and the flower girl(s).
• The bridal garment.
• The bridegroom’s gift.
• The bridegroom’s ring.

DUTIES OF THE BRIDESMAID AND BEST MAN

The bridesmaid should:

• Arrange a kitchen tea.
• Help with the table seating.
• Assist with the décor.
• Help placing cards.
• Help the bride get dress in her wedding gown and going-away outfit.
• Stand behind the bride to her left and hold her bouquet during the ceremony.
• Supervise the flower girls.
• Make sure that the wedding gifts are transported to home from the reception.

The best man should:

• Organise a bachelor’s party.
• Ensure that the groom arrive at the church on time.
• Take care of the couple’s luggage in the going-away car.
• Stand on the grooms right hand side in the ceremony and present him with the ring.
• Witness the signing of the register in vestry.

CRITERIA TO USE WHEN SHOPPING FOR A WEDDING RING

Financial experts recommend that couples should not spend more than six percent of their annual salary on wedding and engagement rings. Jewelry experts recommend that a couple with a limited budget could reset a stone or add more stones at a later stage. Colour, clarity, cut and carat weight are the main criteria to consider when purchasing a diamond ring.

Points to remember

• There are countless options available in various prize ranges, so have an idea of your budget and style before you start looking.
• Numerous jewelers have installment plans available, so you don’t have to pay everything immediately. However, make sure that you don’t put yourself in financial difficulty with a large installment.
• Take your time when you choose a ring – a beautiful diamond in a bad setting or vice versa won’t be the ring you desire.
• It is often a good idea to buy a diamond and have it set in a design of your choice.
• Most wedding rings are made of nine carat yellow gold, because it is harder and more practical, but combinations of yellow gold with white gold, platinum or red gold are nowadays very popular.
• When you choose an engagement ring, it is wise to keep in mind what your wedding ring should look like, as you will wear them together.

GIVING A SPEECH

This is often a nightmare for the bridegroom. To complicate matters, not all bridegrooms are natural speakers. The following tips could give him some ideas.

• Be relaxed! The speech is not the end of the world. In fact it is the start of great things.
• Be aware of your body language. The wrong body stance could immediately give away the fact that you are nervous. Avoid excessive gestures, folding your arms and clasping your hands in front of you (the typical opera stance).
• Don’t talk for too long – a long speech often loses the audience.
• Prepare thoroughly – if it would make you feel more relaxed, use notes with only key words on. If the whole speech is written on the paper in front of you, you could lose your way.
• Avoid the “ums” and “ers” or any type of repetition.
• Keep eye contact with the audience.
• When appropriate, introduce humor, but avoid offensive jokes. A joke is often a good ice-breaker and could make you feel more relaxed.
• Make a few practice runs if you are not used to making a speech.
• If you thank everybody individually in your speech, include everyone. If you leave someone out they could be offended. To avoid this, you could thank everyone collectively without mentioning names.
• Smile! Remember, this is your wedding day.

MARRIAGE AND THE LAW

Through the rush of making your fairytale come true, there are some other important issues that you need to consider. One of these is the legal aspects of life after your wedding day. Fortunately you don’t need a wedding license to get married as in the USA. You must, however, remember to get a copy of your marriage certificate – it will be wise to make a few certified copies of these when you return from honeymoon and store them all in a safe place.

You will also need to go to a lawyer as a couple to draw up an ante-nuptial contract. There are three basic contracts to consider:

• In community of property – you and you spouse are jointly responsible for everything that you own. If the marriage should end, the joint estate (all your assets) will pay any outstanding debts and whatever is left will be divided equally between both of you.
• Out of community of property without accrual – each partner retains control over his of her assets and each person is responsible for his or her own debts. If the marriage ends, each partner keeps what is his or hers.
• Out of community of property with accrual – each partner enters the marriage with a specific worth according to the assets that he or she owns. During the marriage each partner’s assets will grow. If the marriage should end, only the growth in the assets will be shared between each partner.

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UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER

Between the rush of getting your wedding day organized, it is a good idea if you and your future husband/wife could set aside some time to prepare yourselves for your life together. Remember that your are two different people that will be joined together for life. There will obviously be areas where your views will be vastly different from each other, and it will therefore be wise if you discuss some of these differences, so that you don’t jump into a relationship of which you will later be sorry.

To act as a guide to get discussions between you and your partner going, various issues such as love, the role of communication, sex, conflict, marriage and religion etc. will be discussed in the months to come. Various questions will be given, which you could work through as a couple. Wedding preparation is not some new thing – it was done by the American president Gerald Ford before he got married as far back as 1948. To get the ball rolling, we will start with the word that mystifies all normal perceptions of life - love.

THE BASIS OF YOUR LOVE

1 Cor. 13 tells us that love is a blessing from God. It is a reflection of God’s endless love for us. It is therefore precious, and as it is a blessing from God, you could always rely on his support when things are not going so well in your relationship.

Discussion 1

1. If you have to convince somebody that you and your partner really love each other, what will you tell them?
2. What three facts will you provide to motivate your case (Think about this individually and then discuss your points with your partner).
3. 1 Cor. 13 verses 4 to 7 provide us with the following characteristics of love: patient, friendly, not envious, not boastful, not indecent, don’t keep record of wrong-doings, don’t rejoice over injustice, believe everything, trust everything. Which of these characteristics are present in your love? One characteristic that stands out is that love is unconditional.
4. If you must give someone three characteristics of a marriage, what will it be? (Think about this individually and then discuss your points with your partner).

Always remember that marriage is:

• Part of God’s covenant with us.
• To have a partner that could enjoy life with you.
• To have a relationship where you could be yourself and feel safe.
• To have a relationship where you could work on one another’s weaknesses and marvel in his/her strengths.

KNOW ONE ANOTHER

In order to be a good partner, you should know yourself. You should know how your own personality fits together – what are your principles, what are your habits and background, what are your abilities and shortcomings. The more you open up towards your fiancé, the more he/she will open up towards you. Don’t hide your weaknesses – if you reveal them, it could be an indication of unconditional trust. The chances are good that it will strengthen the bond between you and lead to mutual trust. It will make it easier for your partner to open up towards you and allow you to get to know him/her better.

Doing the above is not always easy. It is often difficult understanding yourself … so how must you understand your partner. The key word is honesty – be honest with yourself and with your partner.

Discussion 2

1. Write down three things of yourself of which you are most grateful and then three things of your partner that you enjoy most (first think this over by yourself and then discuss your answers with each other).
2. Below is a list of personality characteristics. Write down five that describe yourself best and five that describe your partner best. Discuss your results with each other. Include positive and negative characteristics.
   
   A balanced person, get uptight quickly, cheerful, depressed, haughty, modest, perfectionist, negligent, inferior, superior, untidy, tidy, optimist, pessimist, hard headed, easily convinced, ambitious, enthusiastic, humoristic, moody, aggressive, loving, self-centred, unselfish, trustworthy, creative, boring, pleasant, purposeful, absent-minded, inaccessible, freakishness.

In your discussions you will have noticed that you have differences. Differences could be bad, but they don’t necessary have to cause friction. Work on them together and accept that you are two different people that will be joined together.

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